Tuesday, June 29, 2004

The one where Ryan discovers he's an idiot

Where to start? Maybe I should start with Saturday. On Saturday I bought a pair of sandals. One of the reasons that I bought them is that my current shoes — like any self-respecting man I only own one pair of shoes — hurts my left foot. My foot hurts because the arch of the shoe is well defined and the arch of my foot is not so well defined, i.e. I'm fairly flat-footed. So, obviously, when I come to buy the sandals I plump for the ones with the most well defined arches... this is reason one why I'm an idiot.

When I came to pay for my delightful sandals, after some indecision, I decided to pay using my shiny newish credit card. The poor girl behind the till had a terribly difficult time. Apparently their computer system was down, so she had to call up and get some authentication code or something. But then she didn't do anything with the code, and she ended up with two receipts At which point I thought "I bet I've been charged twice". I didn't say anything though... this is reason two why I'm an idiot.

Now, if we fast forward. I realised yesterday that I'd forgotten to pay my cable bill this month. Armed with this knowledge, I promptly forgot all about it until lunchtime today... reason three.

Homeward bound for lunch then, picking up a not unpleasant chicken caesar pita bread wrap thingummy along the way. Watch a little bit of tennis. Then just about leave before remembering to pick up my cable bill... very nearly reason four.

Back at work. Log on to my online banking. Try to pay my bill. Discover that the earliest that an electronic transfer to my cable company can be made is the 6th July. That's an entire bloody week. Why isn't it instantaneous? Bloody useless banking bastards.

Instead try to pay my bill on the cable company's website using my credit card. Where is my credit card? What the fuck have I done with it? When did I last use it? I can't believe I've lost the bloody thing! I hope nobody has been robbing me! I've never lost my card before, how did I fuck this all up... reason four.

Log on to my credit card website. Phew. Balance looks to be about right. Except what's that at the bottom? Two payments of $60 to EMS. What the bollocks is EMS? Who are these bastards that have stolen $120 from me? Hang on a minute. $60 seems a very familiar number. But I haven't bought anything recently. When was the 28th? Bollocks, it's the sandals. I must have left my card at Eastern Mountain Sports. Silly bastard... reason five.

A short walk, a flash of ID, a showing of credit card printout and a couple of signatures later, and I'm reunited with my card and one of those $60. Sixty dollars... lot of money for a pair of sandals, what was I thinking... this is reason six why I'm an idiot.

Conclusion: I'm an idiot.

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