Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Quick one before the lesbian bar

In a change to my usual posting routine (or whatever it is that's like a routine only missing the regularity) this is quick post before I head off down to the bar (normally I write these quickies before going to the gym).

My one word review of the American justice system: Shambolic.

At least that's how it was up on the 12th floor of Franklin County court house. Shambolic, but very entertaining.

How often do you get to hear a police officer say the following to a prosecutor, "I was watching Law and Order last night and I have a question."? Well, if you're me the answer is once. (The question was about whether judges could overrule plea bargains — they can.)

Last Wednesday also marked the first time that I'd ever heard a judge telling a man, who was wearing handcuffs and an orange F.C.C.C prisoner suit at the time, that in the future he should not to turn up at the courthouse drunk. The man in question had spent the night in jail for contempt of court for showing up drunk the previous day — needless to say, the reason he was at the court was for a DUI hearing.

I haven't got time to mention all the slimy lawyers who were squirming around the place. "I haven't forgot that you owe me $50 Mohammad.", said one lawyer with his up-turned palm reaching towards his client.

At the end of the day all that happened in Brit's case, was that there was a continuance for another month. How much money do they need to waste on trying to prosecute a guy riding home on his bike? Quite a lot it would seem.

In other news, I attended my first Ohio State football game this weekend. It wasn't really much of contest, finishing 40-2, but it was a fun day out with the crazy folk. And this weekend was the first time in three weeks that I didn't injure my left foot (and no I didn't injure the right one instead). I feel ever so proud of myself.

Okay, I'm off down to Blazer's Pub for a beer or two.


Anonymous said...

Alright you big puff still can't handle your ale i see!

Be careful fella there's a touch of the Simpkins creeping into these posts.

I don't know if this reached your side of the pond but Liverpool are the Champions of Europe at football (real football not that fucking gays game they play in the States). That means we have won that compatition 5 times so we get to keep the cup, which incedentally was the actual cup that Man U won in 99. Still if they want to visit it it's only a short hop across the M62 hahahahaha

A brief word on the American Justice System, O.J. Simpson, Michael Jackson (how did he get away with that!! the guy is a screaming Ponce) and Guantanomo Bay, your honor the defence rests.

Anyhoo i have warm flat bitter to drink so i'll be off see around fartnocker

Michael Cook

Anonymous said...

If your beer is warm, you need to find a new pub. Cellar temperature != warm.

Ryan said...

Knowing Michael it was probably a warm and flat Super Tennants from a can. You know how cheap Scousers can be.

It had actually come to my attention that Liverpool were champions of Europe. Lucky bastards, is all I've got to say on the matter. Although it was a fairly fantastic final.

And I'll have you know my days of passing out in the toilet at school dances have long since passed.

Anonymous said...

Only because your not invited to school dances any more. You just hang round outside.........ha ha ha

Anonymous said...

and tell your coloniel friend to pipe down, the beer is susposed to be warm.


Ryan said...

Well it is true that I bought the Paedophile's (why Americans drop the a I don't know) t-shirt just so that I'd blend it better outside school dances... but still we've been pass-out free for quite a while now.

As for the beer... you're wrong. No two ways about it I'm afraid, beer should not be warm. Which is not to say it has to be served at sub-zero temperatures like they do over here in the colonies. Although given the shite beer I drink here, sub-zero is the only way you can get it down.

He's only my colonial friend (unless I'm mistaken about his identity) if you count Somerset as one of the colonies. Which would seem a tad harsh. Cornwall I could understand, but I think Somerset should probably be considered part of the mainland.

And now I'm thinking, hang-on maybe he's from Devon. Which is definitely borderline on the colony front.

Anonymous said...

Well, it all depends on what the meaning of "from" is, if that's not too Clintonesque, but I can safely say that the longest continuous period of time that I've spent in Devon is a week. Quite a lot of that week was actually spent in a boat, and I have no idea whether that means that I was actually in Devon, or in some kind of county-free coastal waters zone just off the coast of Devon.

Given that at no point did anyone try to sell me a cream tea, a bit of tourist tat, a carpet or some lace, it can't possibly have been Devon.