Monday, May 09, 2005

Updatey sort of post, with a bed and a t-shirt

I realise that I forgot to mention my discovery of 40's while I was down in the middle of nowhere Texas. 40's are a marvellous invention. Somebody out there was obviously thinking when they came up with 40's. I mean it's so obvious. What is the only thing that can make bad beer better? Yes, you've got it, quantity. Drink enough of the stuff and it tastes like ambrosia (the drink of the gods, not the custard). Enough is, of course, normally an almost unhealthy quantity. But, I am living proof that it is possible.

One of my last nights in Palestine was spent getting very drunk then going for a moonlit ramble accompanied only by two 40's. It's truly wonderful how the drunk mind works, when else would one think it is a good idea to go wandering, at night, through down the wooded pathway, around the gaping chasm and over the earth mover? At the end of the ramble I found myself, quite to my surprise, in an old junkyard. I now really, really want and old fifties pick-up truck or car, they're just so cute. And without the help of the 40's I would never have known the junkyard existed.

I bought a bed the other day. I'm not quite sure why, but one day I decided enough was enough, borrowed a car and drove to Pittsburgh to buy a bed. It's very comfortable. Although, I must confess, at two o'clock in the morning — while I was balancing a nearly seven foot long piece of wood on one leg and supporting two other pieces with two more of my limbs, whilst trying to tighten a bolt with my one remaining arm — I did question the wisdom of my purchase. I've now come to the conclusion that Ikea furniture is designed to mock single people, at least single people who are too stubborn, stupid or friendless to ask somebody to help them. Maybe if I was an octopus it would have been trivial to assemble the bed, sadly I wasn't and it was bloody hard.

But I now have a bed, and better yet a sofa. It is actually possible for me to sit down and watch TV, without having to sit on the floor. And if I have somebody round my apartment there's now somewhere for them to sit. Oh the luxury. It really makes me question what the bugger I was doing for the last X months.

While I was at Ikea, I noticed some of the staff whispering too each other pointing and then laughing. And no, they weren't laughing at me... at least not all the time. They were amused by an comically obese man. It wasn't just that he was comically obese, it was that he was comically obese wearing a t-shirt that said "Size Matters" on the front, and "You Are What You Eat" on the back. It was really rather amusing.


Anonymous said...

Every time I go to Ikea I half expect to find a small desk lamp or somr other innocuous object called something like "teestikells" or something...

Ryan said...

When I rule the world... (or own Ikea)